In memoriam

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  My brother Lieuwe de Vries, born April 18th 1958, died November 11th 2002

Lieuwe de Vries       

The urge to start research into PTSD and make this site, originated from the fact that on November 11the 2002, my brother Lieuwe de Vries shot himself. In his goodbye letter he told us about emotional numbing after two turns in the Lebanon with Unifil in the mid eighties. He has experienced things he could not talk about. He never participated in events that were organised by the veteran affairs in the Netherlands. One or two years before his death he started attending them. He tried to find security in scientific evidence. His credo was :"if there is no scientific proof of it, it is not there". That is the way he handled his emotions, trying to reason them away. It was almost impossible to talk with him about his feelings.  In the army he served with the signalling corps, and he used his "sworn secrecy" as a hide away. He passed away silently.

Hindsight

After things happened, you start wondering about them. That was the same with me. You start looking for information about PTSD. It was very shocking to see, that there seems to be no cure, at least if I have to believe scientists. The people suffering from PTSD will not open their minds and talk about their feelings, they cannot reach it. They often deny that something is wrong. Even the family and the doctor do not see the true nature of problems arising, very often only after years. With hindsight I could see, that my dad also suffered from PTSD after his experience in the second world war. He was also unable to talk about his feelings. He had a lot of nightmares, mostly  every year around remembering day. A loaded gun beside his bed gave him the feeling he could handle every situation arising. My mother asked my brother Lieuwe to get rid of the gun and turn it in to the Police, after my father started suffering from dementia. Lieuwe did not do so. This was the gun he took his own life with. Happily, my mother never knew, because she passed away earlier.

And that is the reason for my search to a solution for PTSD

Background music from the film "We Were Soldiers"